8/11 Something to think about...

[Billie]

Taking joy in living is a woman's best cosmetic."
--Rosalind Russell

Just back from an over night with dear and long time friends, more like family. And the four of us laughed and giggled and just had fun!Since two of us had gone through grade school all the way through undergrad together we had a lot of things to remember! (No bra feezing as was previously indicated:D )

I was only gone for 24 hours, not even, but what is it about being with friends and getting away can really "lighten you load", (my other friend I spoke of a few days ago is still with us, so I couldn't be gone too long). At anyrate, we had a great time and one of my friends, brought some cosmetics that she was gong to purchase--you know those big sets that costs big bucks! So we spent a couple hours doing facials for each other. We laughed and really enjoy reminisicing. And you do feel the joy not only in your heart but also on your face. I almost collapsed in pure enjoyment and love, what a great feeling.

If you haven't done that lately, connected with some old friends, try to do it. It is so fun and just the best feeling in the world and since we are trying to take care of our bodies and health, our inner spirit really drives so much of that, hey it is a big boost to being on program and drinking in the joy.

Today I will try to keep that cosmetic joy going, it is payday and Friday, heck I can take some joy in both of those!!

Have a great day, ladies go get a new color of lipstick, or a hair cut, or a manicure or sit out and get some sunshine, do something cosmetically to make that outer self shine!

[cmcole]

Of course the quote doesn't indicate the exterior facade, but the inner glow that comes from joy bubbling out. Your great experience was not necessarily in the "product" but in the sharing of it.

I've never been one to have close friends, so I am glad to enjoy your experience vicariously.

[gitfiddle]

Oh, Billie, as soon as I read the quote I realized my facial muscles were all tight. One smile loosened them up. Now if I can just remember to keep them relaxed!

[SherryJ]

((((Oh, cm...))))

Perhaps a key to not having close friends is in your own above written words... ???

Sherry

[SherryJ]

Billie, what a wonderful time... and, I DO know that feeling of almost collapsing with "pure enjoyment and love"...

Sherry

[cmcole]

Sherry, you've lost me, but that's OK. It wouldn't be the first time I felt like I'm "out of the loop" in a conversation.

[SherryJ]

Noooo, it's NOT okay... I don't want to lose you, cm...

I was asking if you are able/willing to set aside your "external facade" in order to have close friendships? We ALL have masks we wear... some of us are aware of them, some of us aren't aware that we have them on...

How much do you keep hidden from people you'd like to be friends with? And, why...???

Sherry

[cmcole]

Sherry, I don't think it has as much to do with unwillingness, as it has to do with opportunity or something.

- I can be friendly with people; I just don't have an intimate group (or one) with whom I spend time
- As a military family, I think it is more that you don't create real close friendships, as you know either you or the other person will likely soon move away
- Time - I spend more time with my hubby and family than I have time to spend with others
- Location - other than work, I don't really have neighbours/close people with which to interact
- As a bit of a loner, I probably (likely) come off as aloof and not wanting interaction
- I have tried, in the past, to be part of a group or make friends, only to be shunned, ignored or laughed at, so I've just managed to keep to myself since then

And, if you'll put up with me here, even if it is on a virtual level, I'm willing to stick around and interact.

[SherryJ]

I'm willing! :)

Sherry

[deirdra]

I've noticed that a natural smile or laugh takes 10-20 years off of most peoples' faces, including my own, even though it causes wrinkles. Or "crinkles" as I like to call the smiley ones.

I also like to start my day by exercising to things taped the night before off the comedy channel. Much better than the news!

[hawk]

My gosh Cm..I could have written your last post. Last night at the retreat we had we were discussing this very thing.I changed schools every year 1/2 and got used to never having anyone close. A woman in the group told me she thought I was aloof until she took a chance and introduced herself to me. I told her I just don't know how to "talk". I've never made small talk.I don't know what people talk about except other people and I don't like to do that. I don't watch TV. I read . If I begin to talk about ideas , I lose people. So I just stay quiet. Do I just have nothing in common with people?

[cmcole]

Oh, Lynn, thank you for understanding.
That is it, exactly.

[hawk]

Cm , this is what my husband says. He can talk to anyone about anything with or with out information. He thinks of three general topics that anyone will talk about. Then, three questions about each topic...work,kids,sports,etc. then, he asks the first question about the first topic. A conversation begins. If it doesn't he switches to the next question. If that fails,he switches topics. If that doesn't start a conversation, then he decides the person does not feel like talking. He can get anyone to talk.
He taught it to our sons who are the same way. Some how though,instead of making people feel like I am interested in them, sometimes I feel like they may think I am being nosey. He has no shame and will ask about anything. I try not to be embarrassed. But people like to talk about themselves. Most times if we are in a room of people, I just listen to HIS conversations and add to the conversation. He says I am cheating.
He did that to our teen agers and their friends . They know what he is doing and will leave the room to avoid the 3rd degree, but their freinds will stay and talk to him. Our daughter would bring guys home and my husband would spend the evening talking to them and she would fume. DAD>>> I want them to talk to ME!!!! The guys were not afraid of him in the least. They were terrified of me though. She told me I intimidated them.(cleaning my gun on the kitchen table as they were talking to my husband)( answering the phone... you will not talk to my daughter on the phone until you come over in person and apologize to her) Someone has to do it. She loved it though. The one she now is in love with , I really like. So he gets homeade cookies and stuff now. He laughs about how he first felt. HE says .. it's scary knowing that the mother of your girlfriend could knock you out with one punch.

[cmcole]

Cool. Wish I could bring my weapon home to clean (when I was in the Reserves). His girlfriend thinks I don't like her, but then again, she has issues, so it's probably not entirely that - it's just she has a more disfunctional family than ours will ever be.

My hubby is the conversationalist. I am not. I will, however, if the mood strikes - make them cookies.

[gitfiddle]

I've been chuckling over these posts, you guys. Isn't it neat that we all understand each other so well? I can make small talk with genuine people, but I feel more awkward with people who are only out for social or political points. I'm more task-oriented, I guess, and sometimes it's distracting to have to make chit-chat before getting to the point.

I've found it true that people usually respond to questions about themselves or their interests pretty readily. Some people are more guarded, as if they feel vulnerable if you know too much about them. Or maybe they need to build up some trust. Nothing wrong with that! In fact, I try to act reserved and professional sometimes, but then I ferget. Oh well!

My original point was that it's great that we can be friends with people who have the same interests even they live hundreds of miles away. :)

Also, DH, DS and I all clean our guns on the back deck. I have little stacks of ammo here and there on bookcases (mostly around DH's chair) and all DS's friends think it's a cool place to hang out. Might be different if I had a daughter... ;)

[SherryJ]

**scratching my head and thinking, "Wow... would they really like me if they MET me???"**

[Jackie]

Who on earth would not like you if they met you! I would love to meet you, I bet we could sit and yap for hours!!! and at the same time could be engrossed in some type of project or something and not speak a word and still enjoy each others company.

I am very much a talker, but the sidekick I said I do to, is not by any stretch. Over the last nine years (on the 23rd) one thing I have learned is that kindered spirits are just that kindered spirits and one does not have to work (verbally) at the relationship to make it work if the relationship is meant to be. That relationship can be with your significant other or with friends. A true friend is one that does not need high maintenance (like chatting every minute) but is there when the mood does strike to listen and give advice or just listen and understand!! With the significant other---ya just make cookies!!!

CM don't feel like you have to work hard to make relationships, kindred spirits are much more fullfilling and I think you hit a gold mine here on this discussion board as it does not matter where you come from, who you are now or where you are going in the future the people on this board are truly kindred spirits.

[Billie]

I've met her and I STILL like her! She is every bit as darling and funny and wonderful as you see everyday!

[hawk]

I never met You Sherry, but talking to you on the phone felt like a Christmas present. You were really Alive and have a voice!!!!!!!!! And you SOUND as wonderful and warm as you write. I know that you really care about me and others here and you have a marvelous ability to make us feel loved here. Probably because of that, this board thrives .
I would love to make stuff with CM. I'd love to sit down with Gabe and Billie and have a goumet meal that they make and laugh with them and bring Gus to play with Polly. And listen to Carol play her music.And walk on JAcks farm, and canoe with Randy and work out with Shadow....

[gitfiddle]

Wow, this sounds like a group hug!

Kindred spirits make it easier to brush off the disintrest of other people we're thrown together with. It's true we may have time to choose our words, but I think it's easier to misunderstand someone in writing, so it's probably a wash. The whole reason we're together is that we have the same purpose in life. That's the tie that binds, in my way of thinking.

[miralin]

I bet I would, Sherry.

I have a hard time making friends, but not talking to people. I'm just weird and opinionated enough that you kind of love me or hate me, and I really don't care which.

*chuckle*

[SherryJ]

LOL, miralin! :p

Billie, you made me cry... "good te-uhs" though... I did not put a smiley face in that thought, but I was somewhat saying that tongue-in-cheek... somewhat! ;)

Hawk, Jack, and Carol... one day, maybe! :)

Sherry

[gitfiddle]

Sherry, I can only hope! :thumbsup: