8/26 Some thing to laugh about...

[Billie]

Saturday gloomy morning here, lots of heavy thoughts on my mind today so I thought hmmmm how about some smiles. If we choose to smile sometimes the bad days just get better....here goes! And if you have others lets add them here, putting a smile on someone's face, no matter how corny the joke, well it just is good!

PRAYERS:
THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER ASKED, "NOW, JOHNNY, TELL ME, DO YOU
SAY PRAYERS BEFORE EATING?" "NO SIR," HE REPLIED, "WE DON'T HAVE TO,
MY MOM IS A GOOD COOK!"


LIFE AFTER DEATH:
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?" THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES.
"YES, SIR," THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED.
"WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE," THE BOSS WENT ON.
"AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL,
SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU!

CHILDREN'S SERMON:
ONE EASTER SUNDAY MORNING AS THE MINISTER WAS PREACHING THE
CHILDREN'S SERMON, HE REACHED INTO HIS BAG OF PROPS AND PULLED
OUT AN EGG. HE POINTED AT THE EGG AND ASKED THE CHILDREN,
"WHAT'S IN HERE?" "I KNOW!" A LITTLE BOY EXCLAIMED. "PANTYHOSE!"

Have a great day!

[hawk]

A BOX OF CHOCOLATES
For all of us who are married,wish you were married,or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you open a box of chocolates.
Sally was driving home from one of her business trip in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navaho woman walking along the side of the road. As the trip was a long a quiet one she stopped and asked the Navaho woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navaho woman. The woman just sat silently looking at everything she saw, studying every detail until she notices a small white bag on the seat next to Sally.
"Whats in the bag??" Asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the small white bag..." it's A box of chocolates. I got it for my husband"
The Navaho woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said,"Good trade."

Today is my 34 wedding anniversary. We are too busy to celebrate today but we will Monday. There were days a box of chocolate would have been a good trade but after 34 years, My husband is still my best freind.

[Jackie]

We celebrated our 9th anniversary on Wednesday and due to it being crazy busy around here we also did not do anything special. the other half here is also my best friend but there are days when I sit and think how a box of chocolates (or a bag of chocolate covered almonds, my fav) would be a good trade!!:D :D

[SherryJ]

I would NEVER trade chocolates for Mr. Wonderful! :D

Did I mention NEVER!?!?!? :p

Sherry

[hawk]

Of course you wouldn't!!! What a great guy!. Mine needed to grow up alot after we were first married.

[Jackie]

All joking aside, mine has come a long way too, but in some areas still has a long way to go.

[gitfiddle]

Mine loves a good joke, no matter whom it's on. He liked yours Lynn. I couldn't resist telling him.

Billie, my day started out on the low side, too. Then I was asked to go on an impromptu shopping trip. While looking at birthday cards in a drugstore I found myself laughing heartily at the funny ones and that lightened the rest of the day for me. Hope yours got better, too. (I bought my brother a card that will make his whole day, but now I have to keep it until December without losing it or forgetting I have it!)

[cmcole]

Mine needed to grow up alot after we were first married.

I probably did, too.

This is for all the scale addicts among us. http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

A teacher asked her students what religious objects they had in their homes.

One boy answered, "We have a picture of a woman with a halo holding and baby and every day my mother kneels in front of it."

The next little boy said, "We have a brass statue of a man seated with crossed legs, and every day my parents burn an incense stick before it."

Then a third boy piped up. "In the bathroom we have a little platform with numbers on it. Every day my mother stands on it first thing in the morning and screams, 'Oh, my god!'"

---------
She spent the first day packing her belongings into

boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect

her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at

their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put

on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound

of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of

Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every

room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells

dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.



She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all

was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the

house began to smell

They tried everything: cleaning, mopping, and airing

the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were

steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas

canisters, during which they had to move out for a few

days, and in the end they even paid to replace the

expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and

decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in

half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky

house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local

realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from

the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were

going. He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely, and said that she missed her

old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her

divorce settlement in exchange for getting the

house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was,

he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the

house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the

papers that very day.

She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered

the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling

as they watched the moving company pack everything to

take to their new home...including the curtain rods.

[cmcole]

http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.com/elleth/adbb/forums/images/icons/icon5.gif Points to Ponder
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

[Billie]

Love it you guys, did make me smile!

[gitfiddle]

CM, I'm laughing and crying at the same time here! Thank you especially for the shrimp story! Do you think it ever happened?