3/19 Something to think about...

[Billie]

"Stop the world and take in the beauty around you."
Meditations for Women

I am making a valiant try at this, yesterday really helped me. It was beautiful albeit cold but so crisp and bright and sunny that I really enjoyed a nice walk with Polly and just being in my home and my space. In fact I loved the day!

I am a worrier! :( And I suppose after raising the kids alone without any monetary support I had a right to worry even as feeding them at times was difficult. I remember one Christmas selling my engagement ring so we could have a Christmas dinner and a few presents.

For me back then I had to look ahead hoping to scrimp or give them things as I could and I didn't enjoy always the moments of the day, I enjoyed my kids we had a great time together but I always wished I could have done more for them, I think parents can do that.

But the difficulty in that thinking is that you miss the moments of the day. The beauty and the life you have. So after getting a little bit better financial footing and seeing what wonderful men they have turned out to be, I need to focus on today and the beauty around me.

So I thought I would talk about it a little more here and see if I can illicit your help. How do you enjoy every minute of the day to it's fullest? How do you not think well tomorrow I will do this and this and this. In the winter we look towards spring and now as I walked yesterday I saw some beautiful yellow buds on the forsythia breaking through and some red buds on the maples. And I thought today I can eat right and exercise and do things that make me smile and be happy and not worry about the tomorrows I have no control over. I suppose there are still those old habits that come through at times (sounds like a good Challenge:o ) but breathing in what I have today is so wonderful.

This getting healthy thing takes on many different tasks doesn't it, it is not all about just losing the weight, it is about losing the past and seizing the day!

Any hints on seizing with me, tips on living today and everyday having the feeling when your head hits the people, I loved my day!

Have a great one everybody, I am!.

[Gaelen]

"Stop the world and take in the beauty around you."
Meditations for Women

I am making a valiant try at this, yesterday really helped me. It was beautiful albeit cold but so crisp and bright and sunny that I really enjoyed a nice walk with Polly and just being in my home and my space. In fact I loved the day!

<snip> So I thought I would talk about it a little more here and see if I can illicit your help. How do you enjoy every minute of the day to it's fullest? How do you not think well tomorrow I will do this and this and this. ... Any hints on seizing with me, tips on living today and everyday having the feeling when your head hits the people, I loved my day!

Billie, I think this really is a struggle for everyone, no matter what their circumstances. I have been scrambling poor, and I've been financially under control--and right now, I'm somewhere in between--but no matter what my finances, it's been my health that has really reminded me, daily, to focus on 'now' and try to stay in touch with enjoying the moment. In fact, to some extent, that even backfired and I got to the place where I was afraid to plan for anything further ahead than a couple weeks, because the uncertainity of what was happening in the 'now' was so overwhelming.

When you talk about walking with Polly it reminds me how much I miss Casey and Reu right now. Of course, Reu is with a wonderful family and happy as a clam, so I know he's doing well. And Casey went to stay with my friend Jill when I went into the hospital, and I know that aside from his now-and-then argument over a toy with one of the other dogs, he's happy there and safe and I'll get him back during the dog shows at the end of the month. But I'm not strong enough to have him home right now (actually, climbing the stairs to check on the cats' food and water is a bit of a challenge!) so knowing that he's happy and safe with Jill is something I have to be grateful for in the 'now.' And I have to work at focusing on those things.

When I was in the midst of the travel to NYC and trying to show Casey last fall, I did remark to a couple of friends that I was feeling like a hamster on a wheel. So they gave me a little enrichment wheel, and now it sits on my desk at work. It reminds me to not get so caught up in the organizing of my time that I forget to enjoy looking out the window now and then. And I still walk in the morning, even without Casey to chase me around, so that I can do some moving meditation and enjoy just breathing in and out and focusing on the beauty around me. When I can't do that, I DO tend to forget to be mindful, and to stay in the moment.

But all we can do is keep trying. After all, if we were all perfect, where would be the challenge in that? ;)

[Claudette]

Billie,
I agree, it is a challenge to stop and smell the roses each day, instead of worrying about "what if?" tomarrow.
I am such a worrier, probably, vice-president of the National club, (since childhood )and it has been my lifelong challenge to overcome.

I have been very poor and am now, finacially stable, but the habits are still difficult to break and can rob me of my joy in living each day.

One of the most effective things I've found to help me is to just stop when I feel myself "worrying", take a simple deep breath and refocus on something of beauty, either in my memory, or if I am walking between hospital buildings, I stop and look at nature.

I also remember for me, just who is in control of my life, God and I know He has never left me or let me down. Each am before hopping out of bed, I read a daily devtional w/ short Bible passage, which gets me off to a great start for the day.

I know everyone has different views, but this is the way I am handling my worrying and it is working.
Hugs,
Claudette

[Billie]

Ah Gaelen, thanks so much for the thoughts, they are very appreciated indeed. We really had a lovely weekend and just feeling good to relax and take the day as it comes.

Claudette, we can be co-vice presidents or we can become co-conspirators and try to shake that worry thing. I know where mine all comes from, I had all the pressure of raising the kids financially, emotionally everything by myself so worry came with the territory I suppose. A few years ago I went to a therapist, I think I had 4 visits or something and he turned me lose. But I think probably on the third visit he had me list everything that I was good at. I mean he keep at it for what seemed to be such a long time. And then he said, You know you can do many things so well, what accomplishments. And you are afraid of living your kids, but you know what they also have done very well, and they are doing just fine. I always try to think of his words when I start worrying. For me the other difficulty is in my job I have to plan, I have to be very organized, I have to go forward sometimes with with little, so planning certainly then in my personal life comes quite easily.

Okay then how are we going to make those changes--how we are going to make certain we smell the roses of life. What great model we have in Pat, maybe the two of us need another buddy to make sure we get going on the right track!

But lets make this a priority bud! What do you say? And anyone else, join in!

[Gaelen]

Y'know, I'd never say I don't worry...but as complicated as life can get, one of the things that strikes me about myself (sometimes) and others (okay, it's always easier to spot this in others ;) ) is that its amazing how quickly and easily chronic worriers can get wrapped around the axle about stuff over which we have absolutely no control.

We sometimes even tell ourselves that we're using the resources we've learned to use to keep worry under control (planning, making lists, praying, whatever we use to relax ourselves and take us out of the worry.) But I've also watched even those little rituals take over and run someone's day, instead of the other way around. IMO worry is self-reinforcing. At its easiest level, it's a bad habit; at its worst, it's like any other addiction. To truly get over it, you have to recognize it for what it is, and no longer accept that behavior in ourselves. We can't be content to re-channel it into some other habit which can be equally frustrating to ourselves and/or to those around us. Not to pick on list making (I make them too), but have you ever had that sinking feeling when you realize for a moment that you've lost your list? I have. It's not a pretty moment. So I make lists to make sure I don't forget things, but I also work very hard to tell myself 'hey, y'know, they have food/laundromats/office supplies in (fill in the city name) too. ;)

When I can stay focused, worry, to me, is clearly about wasting energy. That's actually one of my very favorite Buddhist meditations, about the uselessness of worry. And knowing that I only have X amount of energy is probably the only thing that ultimately convinced me to try to walk away from worry, and to remind myself whenever I catch myself worrying that it's non-productive time, time that's not getting me any closer to where I want to go or who/what I want to be. For me, it's not about giving worry away to something or someone else, or in any way abdicating responsibility for my life, my needs and my actions and the things I can control. But choosing to try not to participate in worry is, to me, choosing to conserve my energy, and I try to make that choice because I know in my gut that worry can't and won't accomplish anything proprotionate to the energy I have to expend worrying. In fact, one extension of the mediation is the question 'how much more could I accomplish if I just spent all my energy doing what I could do, and didn't waste any of it worrying about what I couldn't control?'

In that way, maybe choosing not to worry is a little like choosing to eat this way, and eliminate carbs--once you've made the choice to walk away from worry, the only issue that remains is not to let yourself get caught up in the old habits again.

[hawk]

My pastor has a saying..If you're not where you're at you're nowhere.. It's true. If you always think.. when I have more money I will be happy, or when I am thinner I will be happy, or when I get to where I am going I will be happy. what about the journey in itself? What about exploring life?
What about the anticipation of the travel?
I have learned to find joy in the midst or hardship and pain.
I have learned that there is not a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the gold is being able to ride down the rainbow.
Each pair of eyes I look into wants to know they are worthwhile and loveable and that is enough for now. No matter what the circumstances there is enough happiness to share and spread around. It only comes when you share it and show you care .
Each day I do not pray to be blessed. I am exceedingly blessed. I pray for the eyes of my heart to see my blessings I already have and to appreciate them and be greatful for them all.

[Rhyme'n Reason]

I've spent a lot of time in my pastor's office discussing this very thing. I'm excellent at worrying, especially about things that have very little chance of actually happening. For a Christian, this is nothing more than pride--implying to God that somehow my worrying carries more weight in the situation than He does. This is a battle that I have fought for years, at some times more successfully than at others.

I do know one thing--worrying sends me right to the kitchen and all those "comforting" carbs. I do best on the plan when I leave it all in His hands.

Ruth

[Mitra]

I agree with Gaelen that worrying is best treated as a habit. Sometimes it's a habit started, like Billie's, when there were big things to worry about. But I've noticed in myself, that now I'm lucky enough to be in a good marriage, without financial problems, at a good weight, and without major health problems - I can still worry just as much as ever. Worry, guilt, self-criticism are all mental habits that drain our energy. Like Pat, I'd use a meditation-type approach to help break the habit, but whatever approach you favour, I agree that it's important it's breaking the habit, not feeding it.

[Billie]

Nice discussion, thanks so much!

I have a book at the office I am going to dig out today and I will put the name and author here. It talks alot about 10 personality types and I have all the characteristics of the "Vulnerable personality". There are many exercises that really helped me working through the book so I will get it out and share it with my other worriers!!

But everyone thanks. I have a dear friend in a very life threatening situation and I think the emotions of seeing her so ill have really triggered my worrying. So advice well heeded, and thanks!