It seems like our good friends the vegetarians and other be-kind-to-the-earth-and-all-of-its-creatures types aren’t content to just sit and munch their tofu and feel supercilious because they recycle more than you and I. They’ve taken their quest for preservation of renewable resources out of the playground and into the bedroom.
Wait! Preservation of renewable resources? You thought if they were renewable they didn’t really need to be preserved because, well, they’re renewable. Right? You’re obviously overthinking here, which proves you’re not a vegetarian.
Eco-friendly sex. It’s the next new thing.

Other ways of “greenwashing” the bedroom, as outlined by TreeHugger and Greenpeace, include turning out the lights, not buying PVC or vinyl accoutrements, ensuring S&M paddles are made from sustainably harvested timber, using organic massage oils, showering together, using bamboo bed sheets (they come from a rapidly renewable resource and are said to be “super sexy”), and wearing lingerie made with renewable fibres such as hemp (Enamore), bamboo (Butta) and other organic goodness (GreenKnickers, Buenostyle, Peau Ethique).

Well, at least all my S&M paddles are made of sustainably harvested timber. It may take me a while to make the move into bamboo bed sheets, however. And here all this time I thought my cotton sheets came from a renewable resource. I guess that shows just how little I know.
One of the recommendations that I’m sure goes well heeded is the one about turning out the lights. I don’t think saving electricity is the only reason these folks like their intimate moments in the pitch dark. Here is a site dedicated to naked vegetarians. Beware: there is nudity, it’s not particularly sexy but it’s totally obscene. You’ve probably known for a while that vegetarians aren’t all that smart. Well, as you will see, many are not all that thin either. If anyone ever tells you that a vegetarian diet will make you thin, send them to this site and have them navigate through the pics of some of these models. If you decide to take a quick look yourself, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Quick, someone, get me a big chunk of prime rib, medium rare.


  1. Blaming nutty behaviour like this on vegetarians is unfair – there are far more people who subscribe to the man-made climate change religious fervour than there are vegetarians, so it follows that meat eaters are just as likely to be this fanatical. I am a vegan but it doesn’t make me want to sleep on bamboo sheets!
    I would be willing to bet large amounts of money that if one picked a vegetarian at random the odds would be much higher that this person would subscribe to this “nutty behaviour” than the odds would be that a randomly selected meat eater would do so.


  2. My Eyes! My Eyes! Looking at that site constitutes cruel and unusual.
    Don’t say I didn’t warn you! 

  3. Thank so much for the laugh! I heard about this on the radio yesterday and all I could think was “what???”. As for the link to the nudist vegetarians, I’ll pass. :0)

  4. Bamboo sheets??? What is wrong with cotton?
    That’s what I said. Last time I checked, cotton was as renewable as bamboo.


  5. Most people think that low-carb diets dictate eating an abundance of meat. For this reason, I am sure that you get the worst and most radical animal rights folks sending you e-mails on a regular basis. But don’t let this warp your perspective. The majority of long-term vegetarians put a great deal of effort into getting balanced nutrition. They don’t all live on Kraft Macaroni & Cheese or McDonald’s french fries. As a matter of fact, the Protein Power discussion forums have an area for vegetarians on the Protein Power Life Plan. Don’t ostracize these folks. You, of all people, should know that it is not impossible to avoid meat and still get enough protein. With this said, feel free to bash the radicals, just be careful not to generalize and discriminate against the vast majority of veg-heads most of whom are well educated and intelligent… just not outspoken. FYI: I like meat.
    Hi Daron–
    Point taken, but I do have a couple of questions.  You wrote: 

    The majority of long-term vegetarians put a great deal of effort into getting balanced nutrition.


    just be careful not to generalize and discriminate against the vast majority of veg-heads most of whom are well educated and intelligent.

    First, what data do you have to prove that “the majority of vegetarians put a great deal of effort into getting balanced nutrition” and that most of them “are well educated and intelligent”?
    Second, aren’t both of those statements the same kind of generalization you cautioned me against?

  6. I applied my favorite intelligence test by googling the site for “non-dairy” dairy creme. I was not disappointed -one request for vegan non-dairy dairy creme.
    Hi David–
    In intelligence tests of this sort vegans seldom fail to disappoint.

  7. Bamboo sheets??? What is wrong with cotton?

    That’s what I said. Last time I checked, cotton was as renewable as bamboo.

    Cotton is a relativly fragile and demanding crop. It needs a lot a labour/water/chemicals to grow. Its ecological impact is particularly high, especially when grown where it shouldn’t. Ever heard of Uzbekistan and the Aral sea?
    This doesn’t change the fact that the things you describe in your article are beyond ridiculous.
    PS: A good new from my brother (I told you his Doctors put him on astorvastatin for a myocardiopathy). Apparently I had an impact with my remarks, his doc brushed off my comments with a classical argument by authority (what do I know me little worm), but after 1 week they put him off of it. Without explanation of course. May be he read one of the links I provided him…
    Hi gallier2–
    I’m glad your brother is on the non-statin course.

  8. Did anyone else notice that so many of the folks at the vegporn site labeled themselves as either unemployed or underemployed? Hardly any could put a coherent thought together about vegetarianism, veganism, or anything else, for that matter.
    I doubt these folks are representative of vegetarians and itinerant vegans (most admitted they were unable to stay vegan for a significant length of time and many seemed to eschew animal products just to piss off their parents or other “authorities”). They certainly are more vapid than any vegetarians/vegans I’ve known. All in all, I’d say this bunch comes across as narcissistic and immature and going nowhere fast.
    Hmmm, not sure I’m ready for the rebellious teen years with my son!
    Hi Anna–
    The rebellious years aren’t all that bad.  MD and I made it through with three sons.  First night out alone in the car is a nail biter, but it gets better.

  9. Oh, I forgot my comment about the bed sheet fibers. I think the bamboo sheets are recommended because cotton is one of the pesticide-intensive crops in the world. Organic cotton is available, but is limited and cost prohibitive.
    There is a lot of interest in bamboo lately because it grows in so many places and varied climates and grows fast. It is a hot item in “fiber art” circles (yarn spinning, knitting, fabrics arts, etc.). So far I haven’t learned any down side to it as a crop (but I’m sure there is one; there always is with mono-cropping). So far, I have found it to be a rather nice fabric.
    Hi Anna–
    MD and I are here in Anaheim (God help us) for the giant natural foods (and everything else) expo.  I’m sure there is at least one kiosk promoting bamboo fabrics.  I’ll seek it out tomorrow and see for myself.

  10. “The majority of long-term vegetarians put a great deal of effort into getting balanced nutrition.”
    Umm, for me that would be the problem: having to put a great deal of effort into making sure that I got the proper amount of protein and nutrients if I were a vegetarian. Being a meat and veggie eater makes that pretty effortless.
    As for bamboo sheets, I imagine that if they feel anything like the bamboo yarn that’s popping up in the yarn shops, they are really silky. I could certainly go for that.
    I think I’ll pass on the pics. I’m sure they are much like those featured in a book of nudist vacation spots that I cataloged back in my library days. Ugh. I did get a kick out one photo of a lady stark naked but for a pair of hiking boots hanging out in the AZ desert. All I could think of were the creepy crawlies that inhabit that region just waiting for a chance to get at her.

  11. I am a PP’er. I am pretty sure that this earth right now is the hottest it’s been in a long time. And that we, as a society, are probably the biggest factor in that. Last piece of belief: it being as hot as it is or hotter is not good for the planet, including the people, specifically those in low lying coastal areas, like the East Coast.
    Now, if you will are open to even a possibility that it’s hotter than it’s been in a while and this (or more) isn’t good for business, then, regardless of whether you think human industry is the main factor or not, wouldn’t you be a little interested in giving it a go, just in case you were wrong?
    I carry car, life and health insurance. I haven’t had an accident in nearly a decade, haven’t died yet and don’t have large health expenses (thanks to Dr Eades & Dr Eades). But, I still carry them, just in case the past isn’t gonna predict the future.
    Bamboo sheets might be a little ridiculous. Although if cotton has a long crop turnover rate, or requires a lot of pesticides or fertilizer, it might not be as efficiently renewable as bamboo. But, turn off the lights, drive less, read more, walk more, ride a bike, and wash your sheets less often. It’s like praying. You don’t know that it’s gonna help, but it doesn’t really hurt.
    Sounds like Pascal’s wager, but with global warming instead of God. 

  12. The funny thing is that PETA holds an annual “sexy vegetarian” contest where they put up people like Natalie Portman, Alicia Silverstone and Andre 3000 (From Outcast) as examples of the vegetarian physique.
    Funny, they never mention Adolf Hitler, though…
    Hi Bob–
    I don’t know why they don’t include Adolf.  He had a lot better physique than most of the models on the veggie porn site.

  13. does eating too much soy somehow cause metallic object to grow from your lips, nose, cheeks, eyebrows, etc.? yet another reason to avoid it, I assume…
    Hi mrfreddy–
    All the piercings remind me of a bit in one of the King of the Hill shows where Hank Hill says: “This might surprise you, but I’m in favor of body piercing.  It saves time.  When you see someone with body piercing you know right off the bat that something is wrong with them.  You don’t have to spend a lot of time with them before figuring out.”

  14. Just got this from a friend and thought you’d like it if you haven’t seen it yet.
    Hi Esther–
    No, I hadn’t seen it.  I like it so much that I’m going to post it for all those who don’t read the comments to enjoy.

  15. The Google ads on this post are kinda funny in context 🙂
    I was vegetarian/vegan for 10+ years (just because I disagreed with the treatment of most farm animals). I don’t know how that diet seems to work for so many people; the vegetarian diet was a disaster for me. I gained a lot of fat, seemed to be developing high blood pressure and just generally felt terrible a good bit of the time. I spent a lot of time reading the nutrtition guidelines from various sources and followed them (including the “vegan food pyramid”). Even when I was making an effort to get “adequate” protein I still had issues. I’ll admit that I didn’t get nearly enough exercise but the energy drain made that difficult.
    I’ve adjusted my eating based on the guidelines presented in “Protein Power” and there’s no doubt in my mind that it’s the most sound way to go. It turned things around for me within days. I’ve tried to do it and still be vegan but it’s admittedly quite difficult so I’ve gone back to eating meat. Doing PP in a vegetarian way (with eggs etc. still in the mix) did seem to “work”, though it seemed to be better/easier to just eat meat. It’s been a tough choice but I’d find it difficult to go back to being vegetarian for those health reasons. I’m working on reconciling that with conscience 🙂
    I’ve not really been a member of “the (vegetarian) community” per se but I have frequented web sites, mailing lists etc. and been to several vegetarian establishments. I’ve encountered a lot of quasi-cultish belief systems; they seem fairly prominent in some of those circles and that’s rather unfortunate, given what the consequences can be to one’s health.
    On the “eco-” side of it, this obsession over the various details as if in aid of some kind of “purification” seem to be entirely symptomatic of the same mindset. I’ll admit to getting a little caught in it myself at times, but I’m feeling much better now 🙂
    I think that this enforces a sort of subculture mindset that can allow various things to be more accepted in the demographic. So then you end up with….well, “this” 🙂
    Hi WJH–
    Thanks for the interesting comment.  I’m glad you’re doing better.

  16. Seems some livestock have been following your blog…
    Good times. 🙂
    Hi James–
    Thanks for the link.  I’m glad to see that at least some vegetarians are smart enough to profit from the right information.

  17. Just when I thought your blog couldn’t possibly get any better, you serve up this hilarious post — nice going.
    The Eco-friendly sex thing is not my cup of tea.
    First off, the lights stay on. I want to see the action and I don’t think the mirrors on my ceiling are going to have the desired effect in total darkness.
    Second, I’m getting on in years so I don’t care where my wood comes from or how it’s harvested; I just care that I can bring it when I need it.
    Third, I’m supposed to be worried about rapidly renewing my fibres? Refer back to the second point if there’s any doubt as to the only item I care about renewing muy rapido.
    Fourth and last, I couldn’t bring myself to click on any of the pictures from the Eco-Veggie porn site — not even the Furry Chica.
    Nope, it’s not my cup of tea. I prefer mine roasted nice and hot and flavorful. You won’t find any green tea in my bedroom.
    Are you not even willing to try the bamboo sheets that everyone seems to be so fond of?  It probably beats the heck out of those polyester ones you’re used to.  And since you don’t like the dark, perhaps a solar-powered vibrator?


  18. I worked with a woman several years ago who wouldn’t eat anything that used to have face.
    She would eat shellfish however and maybe squid. Strange woman indeed.
    Hmmm.  I’ve heard of beady-eyed vegetarians, which are those that will only eat animals with beady eyes, i.e. fish, chicken, turkey, etc.  I guess what your describing would be a faceless vegetarian.
    I can only begin to imagine how strange the woman could have been. 

  19. I’d say a lot of those people on the VegPorn site have more issues than not wanting to eat meat. It was also funny how many of the so-called vegans put down “ice cream” as a guilty pleasure. Um … okay.
    Hi Patricia–
    I wonder where they think the cream in ice cream comes from.  Many of them look as if they indulge in their guilty pleasure quite often.

  20. A friend, a vegetarian (not idealogical, but just because she doesn’t like meat), was apparently told by her doctor that she might not have enough milk for her twins, and it likely wouldn’t have enough fat and protein in it, so she’d probably have to supplement with formula.
    To me, this would be a clear signal to start eating meat, even if I had never done so before.
    Having met several women in my life who were breastfeeding two babies at a time, it seems likely that feeding even twins would not be a problem if she were eating a protein rich diet, like she was designed to do.
    Oh, and while I like a good prime rib now and again, count me for a nice thick porterhouse, as my dad used to say, “run through a hot kitchen”.
    Hi Brad–
    In my opinion your diagnosis of the vegetarian woman trying to breast feed two kids is spot on.  A woman needs both fat and protein–both of which come from meat–to produce a good quantity and quality of breast milk.  It’s a shame to see something like you describe take place. she should learn to like meat–it can be done.

    I love porterhouse steaks, too.  But run mine through the hot kitchen twice–I like them medium rare.

  21. Erm wow. Weight aside, notice how pasty and unhealthy the complexions look.
    Ha…in my book veganism is an eating disorder anyway. I say we campaign to get it added to the DSM-V alongside bullemia and anorexia nervosa.
    Hi Anne–
    Yeah, they do look pasty.  I think the same gene that when mutated codes for vegetarianism also codes for sun avoidance.  They are obviously vitamin D deficient.

  22. Thanks! I just love your site but this post? Gah!! Where do you find the time? But sure glad you do.
    Cynthia in Seattle
    Hi Cynthia–
    Thanks for the kind words about the site.  I carve the time out of the time I formerly used for reading.

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